I have some major confessions and thoughts; awes and wonders to share.
First of all, let me warn everyone this might be a long post... so, try not to get bored, if you can.
I think I will start with my "confession". I have been really restless lately and didn't know why. Suddenly, this afternoon while taking a break from working outside, it hit me. I was not content. I was not content with my family, mostly. At least, that is the only one that came to mind at the time. I am sure there will be many others later on down my pathway of life. However, this is the one that got me to thinking. Was I content? Oh, surely I was. I had everything I needed in life. A home, food, love, family, friends. What more did I need? Nothing, but, I was still discontented. I started to ponder what I was discontented with and why.
I was discontented with my family, as I have mentioned. Why? Well, because I was looking at their bad qualities and not their good qaulities. Instead I was looking around at other people's kids/siblings and envied them. What I didn't remember is that those same children I was admiring had their shortcomings too.
With this in mind, I would like to go through and mention some of the good qualities in my family.
Rebecca
She has such a gentle soul and heart. She loves animals, is very caring with them, and knows what to do if they are sick or stuck some where.
She has been my best friend and confidant through my tough growing up years (then and now still...). She always had wonderful advice for me, even if I didn't take very kindly to it. I can now look back on the many things she has told me and thank her for them. God has granted her with such a gift of teaching. She learns and isn't afraid to share with others what she learned. I really appreciate that in her. Too often we learn from our mistakes and are too ashamed to tell others of them when they could have helped other strugglers along the Narrow Way. I love you, my wondeful sister!!
Joshua
Oh, there are so many things! Josh is one of those few people who can make me laugh
anytime. He always knows what to say to make my day much brighter and cheerful. He loves giving me compliments and treating me like a lady. He has matured SO much in the last few months. He takes the inititive when needed, and never complains when we ask him to do something. He has done the nightly barn chores for several years now and hasn't ever complained about this daily, tedious task. He has matured in His walk with the Lord in so many ways, too. He starts out his day by reading his Bible and then doing his best to apply what he read to his life.
He loves being around children, even if they aren't his age. He can always come up with something to do with them. Whether it is playing with them if they are younger, or having wonderful conversations with them if they are older.
I love you SO much, my wonderful, way-too-tall brother!!
Caleb
Caleb, my little sunshine! He always has a smile on his face. He is one of the most cheerful ones in the morning the second he "hops" (literally) out of bed. He loves to play games with me and has become a challenging competitor in "Speed" -a card game we both enjoy.
He takes very good care of our chickens and has taught them a couple of tricks. He loves God's animals and tries to always help if he sees one in need of assitance in something.
Although he is often the target of my anger, he is good to bear it cheerfully for the most part. If I am ever grumpy or upset, maybe arguing with my siblings (which you all know I never do), he is the first one to say, in a meek and gentle voice, "Please don't talk like that, Sarah." or "Sarah, this isn't helping.." How can a person continue to do what they were doing wrongfully when someone asks in such a gentle, knowing way?
You are a wonderful little brother, Caleb! I love you SO much!!
Dear Mama
I can't even begin to say how much my wonderful mother has done for me! First of all, she sacrificed so much for me when I was a helpless little baby. I know that I wore her patience severly when I was younger (and even now, sometimes), but that hasn't stopped her from training me up in the Lord. She has done a wonderful job of mentoring me so that I can someday take care of my own home.
She has been my best friend for several years now. I often times, in the middle of our wonderful discussions, suddenly remember that she IS my Mama. That doesn't mean that I stop in the middle of my sentence and think, "Oh, I can't talk to her about this.." No, I instead think, "Wow, I have such a wonderful relationship with her."
Mama is the glue that holds our family together, in a sense. When she is gone, our lives seem to go hay-wire. She has so many words of wisdom to share with Rebecca and me as we cook, clean, or are just sitting and sipping tea together.
I love you SO much, Mama! You are a bright star in my life.
Daddy
Ah, my handsome Daddy who I wanted to marry when I was younger. My Daddy who loves me as his precious daughter. My Daddy who provides for our family and works so hard to do so. My Daddy who has taught me how to dance. My Daddy who has helped me along in my school and has always been able to help me find answers in the Bible to my life questions. He is my strong Daddy who loves me SO much. I love getting his big 'bear' hugs in the morning when he leaves for work, or in the evening when he comes home. I love listening to his voice as he reads out loud to our family from a Lamplighter book, or other good book, while the boys lie on the floor listening, and we girls knit, crochet, sew.
He has taught me SO much through life, and, just like a normal Home school parent, helps me figure out my question/problem instead of telling me the answer.
He has so much intregrity at work, home, and any where else. He is truly an inspiration to me.
I love you, Daddy!! Thank you for being there for your little girl.
I have listed a few things about each person in my family. I am posting this because, first of all, I want to be held accountable by my fellow Christians. Second, because I think it is nice to tell some good things about people.
I am asking you, my fellow Believers in Christ, to please pray for me in this area. I will not be suddenly content over night. It will take time of just appreciating the things in life that I do have instead of coveting the things I can't have.
My awe and wonder is next. A couple weeks ago, I felt really down about what in the world I was supposed to be doing in my life, other than finishing up school. So what, I finish up school, but where does that get me?
I also felt that I wasn't spending enough time with God like I should. I forgot to read my Bible in the morning, sometimes went a day or two without praying, except at meals, or applying Biblical truths to my life. I was often grumpy towards my siblings, and was letting my fleshly desires get ahold of me. I was making an excuse that I didn't have enough time to work on all those things. I had way too many things to do, what with school and my knitting business to keep on top of.
If anyone has seen "Faith like Potatoes" you know what a great movie it is. If you haven't, GO WATCH IT! We had watched that movie a couple months ago and then, like we do sometimes, watched the special features. One of them was an interview with the real Angus Buckin. I have to point out really quick that I actually didn't see this interview. I was gone or something when they watched it. However, they were telling me about it later on and the one thing I remember is that he was talking about how he used to get up at 4:00 in the morning so he could spend 2 hours with God before having to go through a hard days work on the farm. This just really inspired me.
As I was praying that night, I suddenly felt the urge to say, "Lord, wake me up early tomorrow morning so that I can prove to you that I can serve you." Ok, for those of you who don't know me too well, I have a hard time getting out of bed in the morning. I like to sleep in, instead of getting up early and getting my work done. Now, I am trying to work on that by getting to bed a little earlier and waking up earlier. Little bit by little bit, I have learned to wake up a little earlier.. still working on it, though. Any way, I asked God to wake me up. First I said 6:30, then changed it to 5:30 (trust me, right after I was saying these times, I started regretting it..) Then I suddenly said 4:30. I really regretted it, but I thought to myself, "Why not?" So, I told God, "If you want me to get up at 4:30, I will get up."
I went to bed feeling pretty good about my committment. When I woke up to roll over later on, I saw it was 4:35. Well, I quickly made a little excuse, "Oh, I am just too tired, God. I worked hard yesterday" and promptly went back to sleep.
When I woke up a few hours later, it hit me. I had not kept my committment to God! I felt awful for a while, but was determined to not let Satan get me down.
That night, I asked God again to wake me up at 4:30. I went to sleep, woke up to roll over and saw it was 4:30 on the dot. In sleepy awe, I rolled out of bed and went into the living room. I was able to have a wonderful time with God that morning praying, reading His word, and softly humming praise songs to Him (didn't think the rest of my family would appreciate my singing loudly and waking them up that early =D).
I had been reading through the Bible, but that morning, I just flipped open to a chapter. I don't even remember what it was now. It was talking about Moses going up to talk with God on the mountain. God told Moses "I will greet you early in the morning...." At this point, I was getting goose bumps. God was telling me that I had done what He wanted me to do.
I have heard lots of people say that we all have a purpose in life. I, however, wasn't feeling that purpose. I didn't know where I needed to go, what I needed to do, or anything. Some of my friends had already had it figured out. They knew what they were doing, and they were heading for it. I felt like they were racing past me as I stood on the sidelines watching them.
To have God show me His love for me like this just told me in my heart that He does have a plan for me, but I need to wait. I have such a peace in my heart now as I work on school. I am waiting until God starts revealing His plan bit by bit to me as I walk along.
He hasn't woken me up that early since.
In Christ Alone,
Sarah