No regrets...

My dad was visiting a while back and commented that this life was not what he thought I'd be living. He then asked me if I was happy I had chosen this path instead of the "my dreams" path. It was so easy to say yes. I can honestly say that I don't regret giving up the things I did at all. I wanted to "be somebody". You know - play at Carnegie Hall, be an actress, write a novel - be somebody "important". Well, I do get to play at the J-C Ranch, do the voices for numerous characters in novels, and write lots of lists and assignments. Maybe a bit different from MY dreams of long ago. The best thing is, I am SOMEBODY. I am IMPORTANT!! My face will never grace the cover of People magazine, but my portrait has been drawn by all four of my children. In fact, it usually is drawn with beautiful hair, a huge smile, a tiny waist (thank you for that boost), and at least one child in my arms. I don't think they would have chosen that pose for People. I have received the best reviews from my critics when I read a book out loud and give each character their own "sound". I might add, too, that my critics typically bless me with hugs and kisses as well. Not sure John would have appreciated that from the "important" critics in the other arenas. As to Carnegie Hall, I don't want to take the time I would need to in order to be that good anymore. I would miss out on too many precious moments snuggling with these sweet angels God has blessed us with.

I find it so interesting to talk with so many other moms that say the same thing. Those dreams of long ago seem so undesirable compared to these little people in our lives. That's not to say that we can't keep dreaming and shoot for those things later in life. I know I still want to write a book, I even have it started, but it just has taken a different direction than what I would have written about 20 years ago. I still consider the possibility of acting - for all of my grandchildren one day. I have even toyed around with the idea of putting some really great literature on CD. We love that and can't ever seem to find enough for these long NM trips. As to playing in Carnegie Hall, well, my wrists just can't take it anymore. Instead, I'll just humm along with children and enjoy their concerts. Much less practice time that way.

Whatever the future holds, as long as we can take where we are right now and be contented, we can move forward without regrets. It's the regrets that hold us back, not the lack of dreams. Life might not be everything we imagined, but maybe we just never imagined the life we're leading could be this good!

More rain .....

God continues to bless us!!! Sunday evening we received an inch of rain. I know that's not a lot for you wet weather folks, but you know what that means to NM!! John and the boys were actually out checking cows, tanks, and stalking rabbits when it began. They had made it to the barn just before it really hit hard. They didn't care, though, and the boys begged Dad to let them run around in it. He did. :):)

The girls were inside finishing up some dresses for a contest this week. I'll post pictures after the contest. They were also delayed in their sewing because they joined the boys in the rain. As the storm was subsiding, we were blessed with not one, but two full rainbows. The children were ready to load up and get that pot of gold as it was obviously right in the middle of the Mesa pasture. Dad did not consent to this hunt at 8:30 pm, so maybe next time.

What an Awesome God we serve......

IT RAINED!!!!!! Last night about 11pm, John and I were blessed to still be up talking, and we heard the pitter patter of rain drops. We both went outside and just took it in. The lightning was glorious, the air smelled so intoxicating, and I as I stood there with the man I love looking out at the rain nourishing this dry land, I could not help but start singing "God will take of you". He does. We have been praying for rain for months and months (years, actually), and we have no sold any of our cattle as an act of faith. Yes, they are skinny, but they are still really doing well. We are amazed that we can still go out in the pastures in the late afternoon and see them lieing down chewing their cud (a good sign that they are getting enough to sustain themselves). John had just mentioned a few days ago that if we didn't have moisture by the end of June, we would have to pull the yearlings off. Let's keep in mind that we just don't get rain in June. It hits hard in July, but not in June. Well, once again, God provided. In about 1/2 an hour we received 2/10 of an inch!!! That may not seem like much to some folks, but when you haven't seen more than an inch in 10 months, that is a huge gift in water. We stood there a bit longer, and John started singing "Our God is an Awesome God". We both sang it at the top of our lungs. I'm surprised we didn't wake the children up! :)

This morning, everything just looks cleaner. I don't know what it is about that rain, but it just feels that way. The sky is a gorgeous blue, and in no time at all, this wonderful New Mexico grass will start to pop up. The cows will begin to lose that burned look, the calves will start filling out, and once again, we will wonder why we ever doubted.

Great news if you're a male Heckendorn....

After waiting and talking and waiting and discussing and waiting........we finally found out yesterday that John drew for an elk hunt in September. Joshua is beside himself with excitement. He has been anxious since May when John applied for the hunt, so I thought we might have a respite from the hunting discussions. Not to be. Now, he is already planning what Momma needs to make for him - all in camo colors of course. :) It will be a bow hunt which means chances will be a bit slimmer of actually bagging an elk. John has explained that, but it has dampened the excitement one bit. This hunt is a cow or bull, but John has already told Joshua that he will only kill a bull. That is fine with him as he plans on breaking all hunting records for the largest elk, and then we will proudly mount the head over the fireplace. Not sure how that will fit, but I suppose we can solve that issue later. In a lot of ways, I hope they get an elk. One, I would like some sausage from the elk. Better for you than pork, but tastes better than deer. Second, John is really hoping that Joshua sees that hunting isn't all fun. Yes, it provides food for the family, but it is a lot of work. Mostly, though, we want him to fully realize that an animal dies when you hunt. That sounds funny, but I am so shocked and amazed at how many young people do not fully understand where that burger or those chicken nuggets come from. They don't realize what it takes to get that milk or those eggs to the store. As far as they're concerned, that food simply comes from the market. When we have friends over, their children are amazed that we can get milk from a cow, but they're even more amazed that we drink it (this is especially shocking if they have seen the calf enjoying a bit of momma before we milk her). Our children have talked about butchering so and so, only to find out their young friends have no idea that we would really kill that four legged critter in the corrals. One friend asked them why we don't just go to the store instead. My children said it's the same thing and explained the beef market plan of America to them. I shouldn't be surprised, though. The first time we fed corn on the cob to our children, one of them asked how they get the corn on there. John realized that we hadn't done a very good job explaining all those veggies we eat (I never can get the corn to produce in the garden, so I take full responsibility).

I suppose it's just a sign of the times. We have become such a specialized nation with each of us only doing that one thing that we're good at - mortgages, teaching, music, banking, business, engineering, etc, that we have forgotten so much of what takes place each day in other sectors. I'm just as guilty. That is why I do hope that Joshua can get a bigger picture on this hunting trip. It will be fun. We'll enjoy the meat, but I pray that he sees things a big differently after September and can keep things in perspective. Just one of the many things in life to learn.

What we learn from our children.....

OK. I must confess that God blessed me with children only to teach me a lesson. How frustrating it is to see all of my irritating habits present themselves in one or all of my children. Arrrgghh!! I know that I must give God a chuckle when I yell at my children, "Why are you YELLING!!!!" Many a times I've looked up and knew the answer to my question - they learned it somewhere. Now, I'd like to think they learned it from John, but that only delays the inevitable. OK. I take responsibility.

Lately, though, I am beginning to see someone else have an influence on my children's behavior and how they view things. Our Lord. I am constantly amazed how He speaks to them in such a different way than He does to me. In fact, I love it when they share what He has taught them because it usually makes so much sense to me - better than anything I could have thought up. For example..........

We have been reading our daily Proverb together before we start our book lessons, and as we try to read the Proverb chapter that corresponds to the day of the month, we've just started at the beginning of Proverbs again. As we were discussing the first two chapters over a couple of days, we talked about how God was clearly showing us our choice of following Him, gaining wisdom, turning away from sin or walking head long into the darkness. I'm focusing on the ways that God shows us to stay focused on Him, and my children are following along and adding their thoughts here and there. As I also try to do, I pointed out at the end that no matter how far away we turn from Him, we can always repent and He will be waiting to forgive us. Caleb then picked up this piece of paper he had been messing with and showed us what repent "looks" like - he had taken that paper and shaped it like a J so that when you laid it on its back, he said repent is when you zoom back to God! Yeah! He gets it! I'm satisfied and ready to pray when Sarah pipes in that she thinks about it like a dog going after a porcupine. That dog knows what will happen, but he chases that porcupine and gets sprayed with quills. Joshua added that the quills they get sprayed with aren't the ones you see, though. The quills that we see aren't really very bad at all. Then, once you're in the middle of the fun with that porcupine, the tiny quills with barbs like velcro are released, and these are the ones that really stick and hurt! Isn't that just like sin -it never looks that bad and you have no idea the pain it will cause until it's too late. Rebecca then chimed in and reminded us that the dog's master is always ready to pull those quills out and love the dog - just like God is willing to love and care for us as the wounds from our sins slowly heal.

I have to tell you I cried. Once again, God used those blessings of mine to teach me a lesson. How many times have I chased that "porcupine", found myself full of "quills", tucked my tail, and came whining back to God. I can't say, though, that I've always viewed God as the loving, willing Master that was ready to gently help me begin the healing process. Maybe I don't see Him that way because I'm not that way? As much as I'd like to think I'm loving and merciful, I find myself too many times focusing on the consequences of the sin and hoping the lesson was learned rather than focusing on the forgiving aspect. Ouch. I think that was a quill. I do thank God for these children, and I pray that He never stops teaching me through them.

In the meantime, I have some quills that need to be removed.......