Which door will you choose?

Saw this video, and the timing could not have been better.

Here we are on the Monday following the CAPE Convention (our state homeschool organization), and as much as my body is exhausted, my mind and heart are eager to pick up the baton and continue to run the "race that has been set before me.   I've had the chance to listen to some great speakers, talk to some wonderful families, and connect with new and old friends alike.

All of those things have reminded me that each day is a choice.

What do I WANT it to look like?   What will I MAKE it look like?

Those are two completely different questions.

We might want something, but we don't feel that we deserve it or want to make the changes necessary to get there.   I think that happens in our homes, as well.

I WANT a great marriage.   I WANT a great relationship with my children.   I WANT harmony in my home.

BUT....am I willing to MAKE a great marriage?  MAKE great relationships with my children?  MAKE a harmonious home?

That's the challenge and exactly the place we all fail.

Does this mean that we won't have challenges?   Interruptions?   Detours?   I wish....but we all know it's not possible to completely control every situation or the events of the day.   If we could, there would be no need for toilet plungers or paper towels.

What I'm talking about has nothing to do with the actual events.   It has to do with our heart and our attitudes when those events occur.

When the toilet overflows, what will we choose?   To be upset that it's happened again?   Or berate the child that might have been the cause?   When the milk gets knocked over will we let out that loud "sigh" that let's everyone in the kitchen know that Momma is not pleased.

OR....will we MAKE the decision to walk through a different door.   Smile and hug the child while grabbing the toilet plunger and lead by example as we make up silly songs while unclogging for the 4th time that day (yes, you can actually have fun while doing this disgusting task.)

Will we MAKE the decision to laugh and tell a story (or two) about when you were younger and seemed to knock things over or make messes when you really didn't want to.

Which door will you walk through.   The one YOU choose will truly make a difference not only in your attitude for the day, but in the attitude and hearts of those you've been given the privilege to influence.   Don't believe me?   Just watch and listen to these women.....Choose the door that will bring about true beauty.   Proverbs 14:1, "A wise woman builds her house....."

The Big Let Down...

Here it is, the Thursday after the CAPE Convention.   And.....it's a big let down.   I came home so exhausted, but extremely energized and excited about the things I learned and the conversations I had.   I was ready to tackle that challenging relationship issue I've been having with Child L.   I had learned some great ideas to help Child P with their math.   I even heard about some wonderful date night ideas that were cheap and easy to enjoy with Hubby.   And......it's still a big let down.   Here's why:

After floating on cloud 9, I came home to......well, I came home to....Home!   The home I love, except for that unpainted wall and no pictures up.   The home I love....except for the bookshelves that really need to be cleaned and sorted.   The home I love.....except for the pile of papers that really need to be filed or shredded.   OK.   Skip the home.   

I came home to the family I love.....that still keeps forgetting to put their boots on the boot racks.   The family I love.......that still has to be told to take their clothes out of the dryer when the buzzer goes off.   The family I love....that just started fussing with each other even though I sat and listened to such wonderful families that had it all together every moment of every day and knew how to address each conflict in a peaceful and edifying way so that God was glorified every second and every moment of their lives!!!!   

AHHHHHH.   I came home to a home that wasn't perfect and a family that wasn't perfect!!

And it's the same home and family that I loved so desperately when I left to go to the convention.   

And honestly, it's the same family I STILL love and the home and ranch that I am blessed to be a part of.   The only thing that changed was that I allowed myself to compare.   What an ugly word that can be, and it's not what GOD desires for me.   Instead, HE says this in Galatians 6:4, 

"But let every man prove his own work, and then shall he have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another."   

What a verse to keep in mind after the convention.   Yes, my life may not be perfect, but I am blessed to be on this imperfect journey with a bunch of FUN people - my husband, my family, my friends - AND I have a GOD who loves me unconditionally through every step of this journey of Motherhood.   

So, I'll take my imperfect family in my imperfect home and rejoice in the perfect joy that only comes from serving HIM.

"I am crucified with Christ; nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me."    Galatians 2:20

Oh, the moments we'd love to forget..........

I saw this the other day and was shocked that someone snapped my picture......

I did this.....really.....

It was the first time Rebecca was going to be driving solo....with ALL of the children in the car with her....did I mention ALL of my prized possessions......did I mention it was her FIRST solo driving.....WITHOUT me there to keep her on track and safe.

So there we were.   Rebecca waiting patiently for this first independent step.   Me getting more nervous by the minute.   Waiting for John to meet us to pick me up for a date.   To calm myself, I decided to call a friend.

I was chatting with said friend when I realized that John might try to call to tell us where he was.   So, I started looking for my cell phone.   I looked in my purse.  I looked in the little cubby hole in the vehicle that I liked to use.   I looked on the floor thinking I might have dropped it after I used it.  

I could not find it.   I kept chatting and non-verbally demanding that Rebecca help me find me phone (only Mothers or children of Mothers or husbands of Mothers will understand what that looks like.)   I smiled as I chatted.   I scowled as I "spoke" to Rebecca to LOOK for the phone.....all the while she ignored me with a dumbfounded look on her face.  

What was wrong with that child?   And SHE expected me to let her drive my prized possessions home by herself?

I chatted and smiled some more....smoke started coming out of my ears as I searched frantically and DEMANDED (non-verbally) that Rebecca help me search......seriously....for five minutes this went on.   Then.....

.......I found my phone......    I continued to smile and chat with my friend.   I quickly ended the conversation, hung up, and looked sheepishly at my daughter....who was still looking at me dumbfoundedly before commenting.....

"And you are worried about ME driving by myself?"   

She's a good driver.   She will one day be a mother.   I will laugh when she does this, too......

Memories

Today, my third child turns 18.   Today, I should be posting a wonderful story about his life and what he means to me.  Today, I should be sharing pictures......but today, I found myself in the middle of a funny FB running commentary on getting older.   That started my mind going on this fabulous song I heard a few years ago about getting older, but ironically, I couldn't remember the title.   I couldn't remember any of the lines.   I couldn't even remember who sang the thing.   I asked my children.   They didn't remember, either.   I felt better about myself and spent the next 15 minutes googling and googling and googling......and finally had success.   Enjoy!!  (PS....I will post a Birthday Post soon!!)   And Jeanne Drennan, if you read this, you need to know that I had to have Sarah help me embed the video.   Either I forgot how to do that.....or I didn't pay attention during the lesson.....

I could see me doing this.....

Let's be careful out there!!

Limited Editions

The life of a first born is difficult. We parents have NO idea what we are doing when we bring baby #1 home, but somehow, we figure it out.   Along comes baby #2, and we begin to see that maybe baby #1 had it easier than they thought.   See, we really don't have much to compare baby #1 to.   Sure, we can easily compare baby #1 to the children of other family members or friends, but we often don't do that continuously.   However, when baby #2 comes along, boy is it difficult to not start comparing.

Now, in defense of every Father and Mother out there, we don't mean to do this comparison business. Mainly, we start doing it because the only reference we have to babies is baby #1.  We start out by making those innocent little comments to ourselves or our sweethearts:

"Oh, look.   She sleeps in the same position as Little Susie."
"Wow!  He ate more than Junior did at this age."
"It took Bubba 6 months to sleep through the night, but little Baby did it in 3!!"

Nothing too drastic, but isn't that the way a lot of things start.....small, and then the snowball starts rolling?  Before we know it, it becomes a habit.   Pretty soon, baby #2 is constantly compared to the older sibling, and poor baby #3 or #4.....the comparison pool just increases.

What does GOD's Word tell us to do instead?   Proverbs 22:6 says "Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it."  Years ago I read a wonderful book by Florence Littauer, and in it, she points out that possibly a better translation of that verse would be "Train up a child in their bent."   Train them up the way GOD created them - according to their individual personalities.   That doesn't mean we can't have the same rules for all of our children, but let's face it, if you have more than one child you know that they each respond differently to certain forms of discipline.  One child may be stronger willed than another.   One tends to be a people pleaser more than the other.   One just drives you NUTS!!  (probably because they are just like you are!!  GOD does have a sense of humor!)

Combine Proverbs 22:6 with Titus 2:4, and I think we start seeing a beautiful picture for how we should parent.   Titus 2:3-4, "Older women....so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children."  Interesting, the Greek word for loving your husband is "philandrous" while the Greek for loving your children is "philoteknous" - both have the Greek for love as "philos" and according to Strong's Greek origin the word means:

5384 phílos – a friend; someone dearly loved (prized) in a personal, intimate way; a trusted confidant, held dear in a close bond of personal affection.

WOW!!   What??  How are we to love our husband and children in the same manner?   Think of it this way.   When you fell in love with your Prince Charming what did you find yourself doing??   Didn't you study him and constantly try to dig deeper into knowing him so that you could figure out what made him tick?   What made him the way he is?   What did he like?   What did he NOT like?   What were his fears?   Dreams?  You wanted to know anything and everything that made him the man you fell in love with.  

What if we were to do that with our children?   What if we studied them?  What if we tried to find out what they liked and didn't like?  What their dreams and desires were?   What their fears were?  Who they were deep down inside?   What if we loved them dearly as a trusted confidant or in a personal and intimate way?   Would this cause us to parent differently?   If we looked at our children through the eyes of the One who created them, would we see them as something different than our child or an extension of who we were?   Would it cause us to strive to help them reach their goals and dreams rather than thinking they are to help us reach ours?

I asked myself those questions years ago, and it completely transformed how I saw my children.  I started to see them as limited editions, uniquely created with a purpose - not for me or to fulfill my plans - but with a purpose to fulfill the role that GOD had for them in HIS Kingdom.  

My children are still weird at times, and I must admit, they come by it naturally (or genetically).   That doesn't change the fact that they are still unique.   They are UNIQUELY weird, and each day that GOD gives me with them, I pray that I discover something new and wonderful about them.   A gift or trait that GOD can use to bless someone else.   A skill that I can encourage them to develop.   A talent that they can share with others if I give them the opportunity.   Mostly, though, I pray that I can see them more and more each day as  a friend; dearly loved in a personal, intimate way.

Happy Independence Day

"Those who don't know history are destined to repeat it."

   Edmund Burke

Do we know our history?   I fear that I know so little compared to what I desire to know.   I love reading history books, especially true history from the actual words of those who lived it.  Unfortunately, we tend to be spoon fed our history from revisionist publishers and writers so that the truth has become so skewed.  Then again......

"If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it. The lie can be maintained only for such time as the State can shield the people from the political, economic and/or military consequences of the lie. It thus becomes vitally important for the State to use all of its powers to repress dissent, for the truth is the mortal enemy of the lie, and thus by extension, the truth is the greatest enemy of the State."  (attributed to Joseph Goebbels, Hitler's Minister of Propaganda)

It's powerful, and it's humbling when we think back to what our Founding Fathers did over 200 years ago.   We owe our freedoms to men and women who risked EVERYTHING, including, and most especially, their lives.   This quote says it all:

Dr. Benjamin Rush, the father of American Medicine and a signer, recorded that day in his diary. In 1781, he wrote to John Adams “Do you recollect the pensive and awful silence which pervaded the House when we were called up, one after another, to the table of the President of Congress to subscribe to what was believed by many at that time to be our death warrants? The silence and gloom of the morning was interrupted, I well recollect, only for a moment by Colonel Harrison of Virginia (a big guy) who said to Mr. Gerry (small in stature) at the table: 'I shall have a great advantage over you, Mr. Gerry, when we are all hung for what we are now doing... From the size and weight of my body I shall die in a few minutes, but from the lightness of your body you will dance in the air an hour or two before you are dead.' This speech procured a transient smile, but it was soon succeeded by the solemnity with which the whole business was conducted.”

How many of us today would willingly sign a document like that, knowing what the cost would be, not only to ourselves, but to our entire family. These men and their families sacrificed much for us. It would seem to me that the least we could do is know just a little of what they did and why. 
 

Let us take some time this Independence Day to know what really occurred and why.   Possibly this article would be a good source of information.   Read some books by TRUE historians, or better yet, grab some books by Peter Marshall that are compilations of the written words of those men and women who lived and risked so much.  

Let's celebrate this year with a deeper understanding of the roots of our country, of the families who first came here and why.  Let's research to know what was intended when the original documents were written (ie., The Declaration of Independence, The American Constitution, The Bill of Rights, etc.)

Or, we can just continue down the path that has given us this.....We have a choice.  

Is there anything better??

One of the best things about home schooling my children is being with them 24/7.  It gives you so many opportunities to work on your relationships, disciple them in The Lord, and hear them say the funniest things.   

Take for example, the time that one dear daughter came crying to me because she hurt her foot.   As I looked for signs of injury, I could find none so inquired as to where it hurt......"The one that had roast beef."   Well, then, let's give that roast beef eating toe a kiss and see if the pain goes away (so that I can go call Dad and tell him that funny story). 

Or how about the time I went to answer the door during lunch, and came back to inform my sweet children that there was a back bone on the front yard (remember, we do live on a cattle ranch with dogs that think dragging bones and other items on to the yard is their sworn duty).   My little guy hopped up from his seat, and with complete shock and sincerity proclaimed, "Well, it isn't MINE!!"

Children are a blessing, and they bring so much joy and entertainment.   They also bring their own level of frustrations and struggles, and I often found it easier to focus on the trouble and work that they can be instead of seeing the beauty of what they have to offer.   True, there is something so frustrating about cleaning, cleaning, cleaning all day to discover that your dear child just walked through and dumped a muddy rock on the nicely polished furniture, and as you are in the most dramatic display of your frustrations, you hear your sweet child tell you, "But, Mommy, I'm pretty sure it's a dinosaur fossil."   What are you supposed to say then??  Is mud really that bad when fossil hunting?   I think not, but that's easy to say when years have passed.

I remember the first time I fixed the COMPLETE (and yes, I do mean COMPLETE) Thanksgiving meal for both sets of parents.   I had slaved worked diligently for days and days preparing pies, homemade rolls, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, dressing, turkey, ham, side dishes, veggie trays.....you name it, we had it, or at least pretty close to it.   Our table was laden with all these wonderful creations.   I was exhausted from the work, and around my wonderful decorated table sat the people I  wanted to impress with my culinary skills loved.  My husband praised GOD for HIS bounty, and as soon as all eyes came up, my dear 3 year old son asked, "Mommy, can I have a peanut butter roll up?"   (Please note that the above mentioned child is still in our family due to the speed of my husband's response and ability to remove him from the dangerous situation that comment created.....and no, he did NOT get a peanut butter roll up).

Then, what about all the time I spent sewing up beautiful, frilly dresses for my girls.   Of course, those types of gifts can't be created while the child is awake, so I would stay up until the wee hours of the night sewing, fluffing, ironing, accessorizing, all for my precious, sweet daughters.   Then, the first Sunday after Christmas, what do they want to wear to church (and their daddy allowed)??   Their dress up clothes - bright yellow material with red, blue, and green stripes, zig zags, and circles, along with a blue laced shirt quickly stitched together as an after thought, and to complete the outfit, bright red stockings with pink shoes!   It doesn't get any snazzier than that, and I'm pretty sure it would have been outlawed in most states.   I happened to be playing the piano for church that Sunday, so we went in two separate vehicles that day as Dad brought the darlings to the second service.   I can still remember playing away that day, turning my head as the door opened, and in walked my two precious princesses in their get ups.......how I ever kept playing without missing a beat is beyond me.   The best part of that story, though, is that we remember it and laugh and laugh and laugh.   Somewhere, I'm sure I have a picture buried away that will rise to the top of the list of pictures to show their own precious daughters one day.

OK.  OK.   Those are the challenging moments of parenting.  The moments where you wonder why you do all the things that you do.   The effort into fixing a meal or creating designer clothing, all to have it tossed aside for something......well.....just tossed aside without one single thought or care about how it might come across to you, the Momma.   That's when I would be reminded of that beautiful verse, Colossians 3:23 "Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men."  

GOD cared about that meal that was prepared, even if my motives might have been a little prideful, HE still took note of the blessing it did bring our family.   GOD noticed each detail and stitch that was made in those dresses, and HE was probably the only one that knew how much love was poured into each item.   I am so grateful for that verse as it spurred me on more than once to do all the things I did for my family, because I was ultimately doing them for HIM.   HE noticed when they might not have.   HE saw all the details and efforts that went on behind the scenes to keep our home running somewhat smoothly.  HE was awake with me while I rocked them through an illness or time of teething.   I did it for HIM, and in so doing, it poured out on those precious gifts as well.  

Psalm 127:3a says, "Behold, children are a GIFT of the LORD."  Yes, they are, and this picture pretty much sums up my feelings for my four gifts.   

Need some strength and courage right now......

I saw this beautiful quote recently......

I could not have said it better.   I need the strength and courage and sense of humor to survive without my dear daughters right now.   I am surrounded by men!!!   Now, don't get me wrong, I love the men in my life......but I've been blessed to be able to counter that testosterone with the dear daughters GOD blessed me with in my family.   However, since they chose to abandon me to spend two weeks helping another friend in California, I've felt quite alone.....

So what have I learned?   I've learned I don't need the table so big......but the quantity of food required seems to remain the same (amazing how those boys will eat until it's gone, regardless of how much is fixed!)

I've learned that all activities require sound effects.   I've known this from day one, but I don't think I've noticed how MUCH sound effect was required to watch a "guy" movie.

I've learned that they take forever to complete a cooking task.   We laugh that our guys are so focused on only one thing at a time, and I miss the multi-tasking capabilities of my dear daughters in the kitchen.   Two times my guys have fixed the meal completely without my help (pretty good for only having the girls gone for 4 days!!), but.......I have been nearly starved by the time it was finished.   I realize I must teach them complete casseroles if they will ever be of any help to their wives one day, and if not, I will pray that their wives appreciate their heartfelt desire rather than the quickness of the meal.

I've learned that boys can talk just as much as girls if given the right topic.   We've enjoyed some wonderful conversations without sisters here.  Not sure why, but I suspect I'm too comfortable with the topics the girls and I love and can jump right into discussing.   I know it takes sooooo much longer with my sons, but I don't think I've taken the time necessary the past few years.   Let me explain.   If I am going on a four hour trip with either daughter, I can guarantee we will jumped into our first conversation before we even hit the pavement.   Not so with my boys.   I went on a four hour trip with one son not too long ago.   It took 2 hours and 45 minutes before we were finally able to get into a deep conversation.   It was fabulous, thought provoking, insightful, heartfelt, tender, loving, just wonderful!!!........but it took 2 hours and 45 minutes to start and ended in about 25 minutes.   Then, we moved on to knives.   I needed this reminder that it just takes more time for these deep conversations with my boys.

I've learned that I'm treasured.   I have had three men opening doors, helping me lift things, killing snakes, hugging me, and I'm loving every minute of it.   I know they do this on a regular basis, but I think it's been spread out over three women, so I haven't had it in this kind of abundance.........and I like it!!

I've learned that when my daughters do leave home, I will survive.   I've always joked about how awful it will be when I'm the only female in the house, but I see things a bit differently now.   I am already learning that it will be a blessing to be the only female in the house.   I needed to see my sons for the men they've become and the treasures they are to me, not just to their dad.   They are wonderful help for him, but I am beginning to see them much differently as I have them, and only them, around the house.   I am going to do just fine when my girls leave.

I've learned that I really don't have two sons.   Instead, I'm seeing that I have two more wonderful friends, and I like it very much!!

The Men in our Lives

I am going to post this comment I wrote on another blog page not to brag (although John is worth bragging about), but I want to post this as a reminder to myself.   See, after nearly 27 years of marriage, I still sometimes have to remind myself "John is not your enemy".

Now, some may think 'how awful that she feels that way', and they are right - how sad.   I don't always feel this way, though, just when I am in the middle of a tantrum because I am not 'feeling loved' or didn't get my way and to submit on something.   Thankfully, these moments are far and few in between, but I have noticed, though, that as rare as these moments are, they seem to balloon and get magnified in my heart as I stew over the situation.  

OK.   I suppose some of you who know me well, will be laughing knowing how "dramatic" I can be at times, so this is no surprise that I might make a 'mountain out of a mole hill', but the fact that I still do it after all these years breaks my heart.   Instead, though, starting today, I'm going to rejoice that this is one more area of sin in my life that GOD has opened my eyes to in such a way that I'm finally seeing what HE's had to look at for years - the problem is me, not John.

Sure, John blows it.   Then again.......I blow it more than I care to admit, too.   We are just not perfect.   WHAT???   Shock!   Surprise!   Whatever.....    No, we're not perfect, so why in the world have I clung to this idea that we should have a perfect marriage.   In fact, what exactly does a perfect marriage even look like??   If someone knows, then please comment and enlighten me.   Instead, as I wrote these words of praise about John, it dawned on me that I will probably never have a perfect marriage, but I can have a perfectly wonderful life with the man I love because of who he is deep down - absolutely perfectly wonderfully imperfect!!   It's up to me to see what I have, appreciate it EACH moment of each day, and learn to keep growing TOWARD the perfect marriage.

Here's my comemnt, and please feel free to remind me of my words if you ever hear me say otherwise....

"Brag?   I would rather call this "Moments we give Words of Affirmation" about the men in our lives.   I am blessed to have a husband who is not perfect.   He does little things that I've asked him over and over not to do (you know, toothpaste lid off kind of things...).   He doesn't always read his Bible first thing in the morning.   He sometimes comes in from taking care of calves ravenously hungry and dives right in to the meal WITHOUT blessing it first.   He is an absolutely perfect example of imperfection, and I love him not in spite of his imperfections but because of them.  

See, his imperfections are a beautiful reminder that I'm imperfect, too, although he will rarely mention any of my imperfections.   Instead, he will sit at the table and smile when he's realized he didn't pray and tell our children, "Your mother is just such a great cook, I couldn't wait to eat what she made for us."  AND he will definitely make sure that every child takes a bite of that said meal as an act of appreciation "for the work my wife did for us."   Even in his imperfections, he will never allow our children to treat me in a disrespectful or unloving manner.   He also tells our sons (12 & 17) to "study your mother and marry someone like her."   

This imperfect man was not a Believer when we married, but as he has come to know, love and serve GOD, he has become the most perfect husband for me.   A man who not only loves GOD but tries every day to make sure that his children learn to love HIM, too, because he knows that the only thing he can take to heaven with him, are the people he loves.

Finally, as I look at this husband God has given me, I appreciate that our children aren't seeing a marriage of perfect people, but a perfectly wonderful marriage created from two perfectly awful sinners who love GOD.